3 weeks in and all is OK….so far

Hi all,

I know you are all champing and the bit to hear further how I am getting on in the new job. Well I seem to have calmed down and bit. The first course I have to deliver is Monday and I am still very nervous and doubt I will have a relaxing weekend that I am craving. Last weekend was a total stress fest.

It all started last Friday, the first day of a 3 day assessment course. Day 1 was all about loading us up with information and theory. We then had the weekend to get on with it and create the first of our course to present. Monday was the mock but Tuesday was the assessment itself. Monday I was OK with a little nerves and some pointers or as they call them ‘improvers’.

Monday night we were put up in a hotel and had to create another new training session and present it the next morning. I had already done some ground work on the power point part of mine just had the notes to right up. I say just the notes have to be comprehensive and full so that anyone else can present the course should they be required to. Well to cut a long story short I passed but they nerves got to me and I did mess up a little bit but nowhere near the disaster I thought it would be.

So I think this has given me some confidence and the feedback I received was great. Maybe I am worrying about nothing. Maybe I’m not. Maybe I am too much of a perfectionist and I should relax a little.

In other news the house buying or should I say flat buying is going well so far. Although money is flying out in all directions and I am seriously stressing about when I can afford to pay it all back!



Buying a home!

So yesterday me and His Lordship went to LOOK at a new development of flats. I stress look, we came out 4 hours later having reserved one. OMG! I seriously want to move but so quick and so sudden. We have no deposit but that has kind of been sorted by our parents and the assurances we will pay them back as soon as possible.

The new place, should we go ahead with it is a lot smaller than what we currently have but we have been spoilt but renting a large place for a cheap price. We are gonna have to work very hard at downsizing. With all the travelling I have to do now I will not have much in the way of time to get it all done. We can still pull out, the deposit is refundable and we can walk away anytime within the next 28 days.

I am not bothered about the mortgage or anything like that but the initial costs for solicitors etc, all the money up front that we haven’t saved for. I know Hubby really wants to move as it will be closer for him to get to work, and I mean walking distance. For me, yes for the next 9 months in this new job it will save me time etc.

Gonna have to give up some luxuries and no holiday next year but what can you do about that. A home for life or a holiday for that year. I wish I knew what to do, I hate being on the fence, if i wasn’t in this new job this would have never come up. Maybe we should pull out now an save the stress? Your thoughts?


Gay Marriage in the UK

Certain people in one of the UK governing parties are just knobs!!!!

I haven’t really said very much about it all the time it has been raging on. Equality this and that, doom and the destruction of society here there and everywhere! One old school MP said it will lead to the UK to have a lesbian queen inseminated by on of her subjects. Bonkers!

I am in a happy civil partnership with my amazing Hubby. He is the love on my life, it was love at first site, it was a rush of feeling and emotion that all felt amazing! We lived together within a month and we had proposed to one another within 2 months. Some said we were mad to do this, our parents were very worried and aired their concerns. We knew it was right. Simple. We felt that we were doing the right thing, from then on we have never looked back we go from strength to strength. So to me this is love, plain and simple. How can any government tell any person they can’t declare their love in an appropriate and legal way, then bollocks to them.

I don’t think my civil partnership is ruining society and when I hope to convert it into a marriage when I am allowed to, I still don’t see this as ruining society I see it as a declaration of love. Simple, love is love, not a politic chess piece.

Gay Marriage. Destruction of society or a human right? You decide!


Day 4…

…and it’s getting ever so slightly better.

It seems that after a day going through everything on the power points and notes that it is all starting to make a little bit easier. I am still getting the knots in my stomach etc but I went home and instead of wanting to cry I seemed OK. Still woke up at 4.30am thinking about course notes etc but I am getting there….albeit slowly.

My laptop and blackberry came yesterday which I suppose helps as I won’t have to look over Alan’s shoulder on his PC anymore as long as mine works that is.

Other than that Hubby has been great as he always is, because he is amazing. Supporting and helping along when the demon come to visit. It has been easier as he is off work this week so he has been at home waiting for me with my dinner and a hug. I feel so much better when I am in his arms lying on his chest and I hear his heart beat in my ear. I know I’m home and safe when I am there.

As I am going to be having this 30 mins or so every morning I think I may blog more about different subject and bore you all to death with my opinions. It might bring a bit of life to the worlds most boring blog!


Day 3 and still nervous!

Well it is day 3 in the new job and I’m still as nervous as anything. I almost started to feel better last night on the train home because I found out I’m not the only one who feels this way. There are 2 other people who have really been chucked in at the deep end and basically had to get on with it. I am working with one of them so I suppose that has helped me.

What is it that terrifies me? You’ll have to bear with me while I try and analyse myself again this morning! My stomach is in knots just typing this out thinking about it. You know what enough, I’ve just had to calm myself down, breathe deep and all that, well enough.

I am dam well capable of delivering a training course,I know I am. I know most of the subject matter and what I don’t I will learn! Really I am sick to death of myself being all defeatist and panicy. There is no need for any of this, I will do this and I will do it well!

Someone very close to me yesterday text me to ask how I was getting on and I said that it was steep learning curve and they said ‘Stuff you can cope with’ to which I replied ‘I’m gonna have to’ and I got the best reply

You can do it, nothing like a challenge to bring out the best in you

I was quite touched by this, its not something I hear often from this person, it made me smile.

Blue skies are coming!


The second day!

So here I am again on the train just about to pull out of the station on my way to day 2 of my new job!

I am still as nervous as I was yesterday.

I met the team, even though I have already done this, and they are all really nice people but I am still terrified. Why?

I think, and I have been over analysing this all night whilst attempting to sleep, I am just waiting to adjust to it all. I am very very new to all of this. I am used to doing set shifts with set breaks at set times. The travelling is also a bit of a killer as I spend 3 hours a day travelling now where it used to be an hour. So all these things are coming together to make it a totally different experience, this does not help me as I’m a creature of habit. I will get used to it when I learn what I am meant to do and when and with whom. No, I know what I am meant to do and I will do it to the best of my abilities. Or I will at least try.

I am surrounded by people all saying I will walk it. Why do I not have their confidence in me in myself. I know I am capable, I have the knowledge. Hubby also says I am being silly as if he didn’t think I was capable of the job then he would have said so when I applied for it in the first place, my very good friend JB said the same!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a day with a positive message for you all!


And the train pulls out!

So I am on the train for the first day in my new job as a Trainer! The train has pulled out and my stomach has just dropped through the floor. I know I’m not going to be training anyone today, just doing paperwork and office familiarisation etc but I’m still as nervous as anything. Why?

I’m probably going to over analyse everything for the next few days/weeks but so be it, it is who I am. I’m used to a roster with set hours and set breaks, here there is a structure but different to what I am used to, longer days and traveling but with the bonus of weekends off. I know I am capable of doing everything they ask of me with the right training I am sure I will be a good trainer. The team are all friendly and I think I can get on with most, I am quite an open person, who am I kidding, my life is open to all that will listen. Ha ha ha. I’m not saying I will tell strangers everything about me but if people ask I will tell them, I seem to not be able to hold back.
Is this a good to bad quality?

A few of my new colleagues will be joining the train soon so this will be a short entry as I want to chat and bond with them on the train ride/walk to the office. I know a couple of people up in the new office and that certainly makes it easier. Still as nervous as hell and strangely writing this down does not seem to be helping. Gonna stop now and chill!