So, as you know dear readers that I have and am going through a recent marriage break up after 10 years together. So the question I want to ask you lovely people is when it is right to start dating again? To chance being naked with someone else again? To be kissed and I mean really kissed in the most intimate way you can between 2 people? Be hugged and spooned by someone else?
There are varying thoughts I have been given by others over the last few weeks and months, some saying get back on the horse straight away, others saying wait until it feels right and some that say it should be years before you can even thinking about dating again.
You might even be thinking why I am asking this question? Well if you are a keen reader of my blog and lets face it, why would you be it’s so dull. However you will know that my ex has already moved and got his myself a new relationship with a new man and I really don’t know how he has done that so quickly. How he has detached his feelings and emotions and how he can intimate with someone already and so soon.
I have tried, I was talking to this one guy off one of the apps and he is a really lovely guy, really lovely I won’t and can’t say a say word against him. He has been single for a while and he was looking for more than just a shag. That is how is started out a shag and it was good, I though nothing more of it than that. Let’s face it we all have itches to scratch and let’s be clear about intimacy, intimacy between lovers is far deeper and more intense than just a quick fuck. We went shopping one day and chilled out but even that started with a shag. I thought fuck buddies or friends with benefits maybe. I had been clear from the start that I was after nothing serious and he knew fully the situation even commenting that he didn’t want to be anyone rebound etc.
So movie night came around and the long story short I went round to chill and watch films and it was nice. We had some food, chatted and chilled. Then it happened, he started leaning in for kisses and rested his hand on my hand and stroked it. I was freaked out and little well and lot but I kept it all on the inside. I removed my hand under the pretence of scratching my eye brow or something. It happened again, so what do you do say something or not? I didn’t want to lead anyone on so I had to say something and of course it made him keep awkward and uncomfortable.
I spent the night in the spare on as was the plan and then I got the whole, come in for a spoon if you want. I mean I was clear and I didn’t want to have to be rude so I got dressed and went downstairs. He came down looking forlorn and I didn’t really know what to say and long story short he dropped me back at the train station and that was that. A text followed the next day him apologising and sorry that it was awkward. He had no reason to apologise, well, maybe a little. He wants something I can’t give. I mean the hand on my hand I just freaked a little. Only one person has done that for 10 years.
So it follows the question, when is the right time! Is it 6 months? 9 months? A year? Why can one half of this situation move on in a few weeks and I am struggling to get my head round it. Does that mean I am still lingering in the past? Am I processing?
Full disclosure here though. I do talk to people and as I get lonely so go on apps and chat to people. Human contact and with the intention of making friends, new friends but most I have met and have started to form friendships with then cross the line. Tell me they have feelings for me and I yet again have to have a conversation about not being ready for that despite them already knowing this. It is getting annoying. I take it as a great compliment to be fair but why can’t people respect the line.
So any help or guidance you can give.
In my mind I will get passed this and begin to put it all behind. Then one day maybe sooner rather than later I will meet a bloke that will change my world and make me happier than ever before. Am I fooling myself?